【My Sex Doll Bodyguard (2020)】

Theranos founder Elizabeth Holmes is My Sex Doll Bodyguard (2020)currently serving 11 years in prison for defrauding investors with her scam-laden blood testing start-up. Her partner, with whom she shares two children, is currently trying to raise $50 million for a blood testing start-up.

Despite the internet's initial response that it must be satire or fake...nope. This story is very real and reported in the Tony pages of theNew York Times. Billy Evans' company is called Haemanthus — a flower also known as the blood lily — and bills itself as “the future of diagnostics” with “a radically new approach to health testing,” the Times reported. That sounds, well, pretty much exactly like Theranos.

You might wonder why Evans, described by the Times as an heir to a hotel fortune, wants to get into blood-testing of all businesses. And frankly, your guess is as good as mine. Maybe because technically it's the family business?

Citing unnamed sources, NPR reported Evans has "raised millions" so far, but mostly "among friends, family and other supporters." The company reportedly plans to begin testing pets for diseases before moving on to people.

The internet simply couldn't believe this whole story was real. One user on Bluesky poking fun at the headline had to clarify that no, the story was neither AI nor a joke.

The absolute fucking cackle I let out at this headline

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— Mrs. Detective Pikajew, Esq. (@clapifyoulikeme.favrd.social) May 10, 2025 at 11:32 AM

Stop asking me if this is fake or AI 😭😭😭 www.nytimes.com/2025/05/10/b...

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— Mrs. Detective Pikajew, Esq. (@clapifyoulikeme.favrd.social) May 10, 2025 at 12:33 PM

The internet, naturally, also had lots of jokes about Evans' start-up.

So ... I guess Elizabeth Holmes wasn't available for Surgeon General then?

— Stonekettle (@stonekettle.bsky.social) May 8, 2025 at 12:41 PM

It's so romantic that Elizabeth Holmes' boyfriend is starting his own fraudulent blood testing company while she's in prison for fraud

— Ian Boudreau (@ianboudreau.com) May 10, 2025 at 12:22 PM

This is a call from Camp Bryan Federal Prison from *deep voice* Elizabeth Press one to accept the charges. *BEEP*ELIZABETH HOLMES: I have another blood idea.

— Sen. Lemon Gogurt (@ugarles.bsky.social) May 10, 2025 at 12:34 PM

Has it occurred to anyone that maybe Elizabeth Holmes is just a very dainty vampire.

— Tim Carvell (@timcarvell.bsky.social) May 10, 2025 at 12:47 PM

In a time full of weird, unbelievable headlines, it's really remarkable that the news can still be surprising.

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